Public Apology

Long time, no post! Every time I have wanted to post, life got up and said "No, you need to do this!"

I hate when that happens. So now, I am up early, enjoying my coffee, enjoying some time with Jesus and now I am here. I was on Facebook looking at some people who are my family and thinking "I haven't seen them in awhile, I need to see them." I am a family person, but only when I'm accepted. I love seeing family, whether by blood or by marriage. Or that was the case, until almost 3 years ago when my daddy went to his forever home. Losing a parent has changed my life, my way of thinking and my way of doing things. I don't take things for granted as much, I take a lot more things to heart and if I get ignored or something similar, my feelings get hurt.

If I left you abruptly, didn't talk to you for awhile, or cried in your presence recently, I am sorry. I truly am. Feelings come over me, reminding me of how certain things wouldn't have been had at my house growing up and then the tears flow.

With this being said, my family, by marriage or by blood is my everything. I can't change who I am and I won't. My daddy was one of those parents who said "if they hit you, you hit them back" and my mom was just the opposite, telling us that it was wrong." I have learned from the best and depending on my mood, I could do one or the other.

And you want to know something so extremely odd that I have learned in this grieving process? As the years grow longer since my daddy's passing, I am not crying every month, but sometimes if something triggers inside of me, most often when I am with a large group of people who happen to be my family, whether it be a past feeling, a past memory or whatever, that is when I notice the pain/joy I have in my heart.


I went down a rabbit hole, but here's the gist of the post: I am sorry if you have questioned my act of selfishness. Can't promise it won't happen again, but I'm hoping with time and prayer and my God beside me, that I will be better able to control the pain.


God Bless always.